Haney Wilkie Memorial Service

Haney Wilkie, the much loved and admired musician will finally have his spirit laid to rest in a Memorial service this Saturday in the abandoned Mica mine near the family compound in Eastern Alabama.

The iconic songwriter and prolific electric kazoo player has been missing and presumed dead by most of the known world for the past 36 years. The circumstances surrounding his death have led to numerous sightings and conspiracy theories over the years.

Haney had agreed in principle to perform his classic kazoo version of the “Star-Spangled Banner” at the 1972 Republican National Convention. The song had become an international sensation after he first performed it at the Woodstock, Ga World Stump-Burning competition in 1969.

After actually meeting Richard Nixon in person, Haney walked out of the Miami Beach Convention Center and joined the Vietnam War protestors in the street. The crowd began to chant, “Hell no, he won’t blow!” and were quickly dispersed with tear gas. All that is known for sure is that Haney left with “someone” and was never seen again.

Haney’s common-law wife, Honey, says she can no longer sense his presence and has conceded to have the memorial.

Honey Wilkie is the mother of Haney’s first-born son, Herbert, and the step-mother to the other 17 Wilkie children.

A short service will be held at the Cottonwood Freewill Unitarian Church, 1964 State Line Road in Cottonwood, Ala. The Reverend Elrod “Bud” Hubbard will preside. Special music will be provided by the Haney Wilkie Orchestra, a trio of Wilkie cousins, who play music written or inspired by the memory of Haney Wilkie and some Skynyrd.

After a short walk to the mine the event will conclude when Haney’s spirit, in the form of his only known remaining kazoo, is thrown into the abyss.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that cash donations be made to the Haney Wilkie Orchestra to help fund their documentary film project.