Researchers at North Carolina State University this week unveiled the first tobacco powered car. Acting Professor of Advanced Scientific Agriculture Random Hudson and his students have nicknamed the prototype "Puffy" and say the car is ready for mass production as soon as it gets federal approval.
The team developed a smooth, low tar, slow burning blend of American tobacco perfect for use in any gas powered vehicle. "The Russians have been working on this technology for years, but they can't grow the quality of tobacco we can here in North Carolina," says Prof. Hudson. "This is green, renewable energy at it's finest. The result of this will create jobs in the agriculture, manufacturing, retail and medical industries. It's the perfect solution for stimulating the economy.
GM owns the rights to produce the car in conjunction with tobacco giant Phillip-Morris, and this may be just the thing to pull GM from bankruptcy. "We need to get America fired up and addicted to driving again." said one high ranking GM senator. He also pointed out that cigarettes are already available at gas stations, eliminating the need for pork-barrel spending on trivial things like "infrastructure."
The four-door sedan can easily accommodate a family of five, complete with driver and passenger air bags, oxygen masks and built-in child safety seat. The team is working on designs for an SUV, a van and a tobacco/marijuana hybrid flying saucer.
University medical officials admit that "cancer could be a problem for cancer-prone drivers, so make sure you are buying from a reputable dealer."
In other agriculture news, Prof. Hudson's team has put the wood-fired car on the back burner for the time being. "No matter how many times we try," he says, "the chimney just creates too much drag."
Clemson University has invented the first gas to electric vehicle, which converts unleaded gasoline purchased from any gas station into energy-saving, environmentally friendly electricity.
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