Is that a Hummer in your pocket or...

Every night the evening news is force feeding frugality to the American people. Consignment shops, thrift stores and yard sales are the new shopping “destinations” of the middle class. Saturday morning shopping sprees in upper-end stores like Wal-Mart, Kmart and Big Lots are becoming a thing of the past. Unless, of course; you have coupons.

“I only shop on triple coupon Wednesday,” the very hyperactive lady with the twitchy right eye tells Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News. “I can feed a family of six, four dogs, a cat and an illegal turtle my son bought at the flea market for 84 cents a week.”

On CNN Anderson Cooper goes undercover at a local barber college: “Is this haircut really worth four dollars. We’re keeping them honest, tonight on 360”

Not to be outdone by the big boys, local news has gotten in on the act as well.

- “Save money on this year's vacation by hitch-hiking. We’ll tell how to do it safely at five.”
- “Coming up at five-thirty: Do you really need ice? Lukewarm is the new chilly.”
- “Tonight at six: Save even more by buying Chinese designed products.”

Where in the hell do they make Chinese “designed” products?

Bits of information have been trickling out from country clubs, sit-down restaurants and walk-in theaters and it seems the wealthy may be suffering as well.

"I blame the poor." says one high-ranking anonymous business executive. "We give them so much, like Buy Here/Pay Here car lots, off-brand cigarettes, lottery tickets, not to mention the Dollar Menu."

Current reports seem to indicate the worries of the rich are unfounded. Apparently, the poor are continuing the age old tradition of shitting in one hand and wishing in the other.

Scaring people who have jobs into not spending money is not good for the economy. Maybe something like this would have a more positive affect. Who could resist this teaser from Headline News’ Robin Meade?

“Coming up next on Morning Express, a new study may prove buying American cars enhances penis size.”

You’re welcome, GM.